Britannia AirMail: Expanding the Flock
Introducing Britannia PollSupport — First Line IT Help, Now With Feathers.
When we launched Britannia AirMail in April 2025, we didn't know what to expect. What we got was an overwhelming response from businesses across Liverpool, Manchester and Lancashire who were ready, even eager, to have their IT issues carried across the sky by a pigeon in a hi-vis vest.
Clippy Featherstone, our Chief Pigeon Officer, has now completed his first full year of service. Deliveries up. Client satisfaction high. One incident in Formby that we are still not discussing publicly.
But Clippy can only carry so many tickets. And as demand for Britannia AirMail has grown, so has the need for frontline support that can handle queries directly — in real time, on site, without a postbag.
That's why we're proud to announce the next chapter in feathered IT support. Introducing Britannia PollSupport.
How It Works
For a monthly fee, Britannia IT will deploy a trained African Grey parrot to your office as a dedicated first-line IT support resource.
Your parrot will be stationed at reception, in the IT corner, or wherever your team naturally gravitates when something stops working. When a member of staff has an IT query, they simply ask the parrot directly. The parrot responds.
No ticket. No hold music. No waiting.
What Your Parrot Can Help With
Our parrots are trained to handle the most common tier-1 IT issues with confidence, authority, and a total absence of any actual technical knowledge. Specifically:
"Have you tried turning it off and on again?" — delivered clearly, directly, and with eye contact. Resolves 94% of all queries.
"I'll need to escalate that one." — used for anything the parrot cannot answer. The parrot says this with complete professionalism. It will not escalate it. Britannia IT will.
"Is it plugged in?" — available on the Pro tier only.
"Your call is important to us." — optional. Some clients find it reassuring. Others find it unsettling. Results vary by office.
Meet the Flock
Every Britannia PollSupport parrot is individually named, briefed on your business, and assigned a Britannia IT hi-vis vest (tailored). Your deployment pack includes:
One (1) African Grey parrot, fully trained
One (1) branded perch, maroon, with Britannia IT logo
One (1) welcome card from Clippy Featherstone, who personally mentors all new recruits
A month's supply of sunflower seeds (standard tier) or artisan seed mix (Pro tier — the parrots notice the difference and it affects morale)
Pricing
Tier | What You Get | Monthly Fee |
|---|---|---|
Standard | Parrot, perch, seeds, 3 phrases | £149/month |
Pro | Parrot, perch, artisan seeds, 5 phrases, "Is it plugged in?" | £249/month |
Enterprise | Two parrots, hot-standby perch, unlimited phrases, direct Clippy escalation | £449/month |
Setup fee: £99. Covers initial parrot orientation, perch installation, and a 30-minute briefing session in which your parrot learns your office Wi-Fi name. The parrot will not be able to connect to it. This is a known limitation.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if the parrot gives wrong advice? The parrot will not give wrong advice. The parrot knows one answer. The answer is always correct.
What if a staff member argues with the parrot? This happens. The parrot is trained to repeat the answer more slowly and at increased volume. If the issue persists, Clippy is available for mediation.
Is the parrot GDPR compliant? The parrot does not retain information between conversations. In testing, the parrot occasionally retained the phrase "reboot the server" for up to 72 hours, but this is considered within acceptable parameters.
What happens if the parrot and our IT issue are incompatible? Britannia IT's human support team remains fully operational via phone, email, and remote session. The parrot is a supplement, not a replacement. Clippy was very clear about this in the briefing.
Can we name the parrot? No. The parrot arrives named. Standard tier parrots are named after networking protocols. Pro tier parrots have proper names. Enterprise clients receive two parrots and may name one of them.
A Note From Clippy
"I have reviewed the new recruits personally. They are enthusiastic, vocal, and have no idea what a subnet mask is. In this regard they are no different from several humans I have worked with. I am cautiously optimistic."
— Clippy Featherstone, Chief Pigeon Officer, Britannia IT
Still prefer humans?
Our UK-based support team is still here, still fast, and still available by phone, email, ticket, or remote session — no feathers, seeds, or perch required. Get in touch at britanniait.co.uk or call 01704 320640
Happy April Fools from everyone at Britannia IT — including Clippy, the parrots, and the hawk who is still technically on a rolling contract and whose situation remains unresolved.